12 years ago
24.5.09
5.5.09
plagio II
In honor of March Madness, we at Drivl thought we would compile a list of the worst Division I college mascots and present them in an easily digestible list for your viewing pleasure. Each entry was researched carefully (meaning not at all) and judged on a variety of criteria, such as ugliness, randomness of mascot choice, cheapness of costume, and the all-important creepiness factor. We hereby present you, in descending order, our pick of the 25 Worst College Mascots currently enjoying D-I status:
25. Georgia Tech's Buzz the Yellow Jacket (ACC)
Apparently the bright minds over at Georgia Tech couldn't think of a better mascot than a yellow jacket. Sure, yellow jackets are annoying when they ruin a perfectly good picnic, and they are capable of killing (but only those with wimpy allergies), but I still can't help but laugh when I see this creature with albino eyes and scrawny legs.
24. University of Wisconsin-Green Bay's Phlash the Phoenix (Horizon League)
A phoenix seems like it would be a pretty sweet mascot, right? They're colorful, look bad-ass, and can spontaneously combust, only to rise from a dusty pile of their own freakin' ashes and be reborn. That's pretty awesome!
Based on the above criteria, I didn't think I'd ever in my life see a pathetic-looking phoenix...that is, until I laid eyes on UW-GB's mascot, "Phlash":
This thing looks like it's risen one too many times, but the creature's curse is that it can't be put out of its misery. It's gaunt, its eyes are sunken, it looks phlemy (Phlash the Phlemy Phoenix?), and it appears to have sprouted random feathers from its chin. Plus, aren't phoenixes supposed to be fiery in color? Last time I checked, green wasn't an inferno-y hue.
23. University of Miami's Sebastian the Ibis (ACC)
A plethora of aquatic mascots to choose from, and the University of Miami chooses an ibis. As if that's not bad enough, the school doesn't even know what an ibis freakin' looks like.
This is an ibis:
This, on the other hand, is Sebastian the "Ibis":
Dude, that's a duck...with what appear to be either eyelashes or Eugene Levy eyebrows. It's wearing a sailor hat and giant cartoon shoes, for crying out loud. You just can't make a duck look bad-ass. Need proof?
Howard the Duck. I rest my case.
Speaking of eyelashes...
22. Florida A&M's Rattlesnake (Mid-Eastern Athletic)
I don't really have any issues with the mascot being a rattlesnake (although doesn't the fact that the costume has legs sort of negate the whole point of having a snake as a mascot?), but why God why did they give it a ponytail and eyelashes? To creepy it up? Well, mission accomplished.
21. Rice University's Sammy the Owl (Conference USA)
And now, a little Drivl Math for you:
It looks like the end product of a Predator infecting a bum and somehow spawning a filthy, outraged, Predatowl.
20. Tulane University's Riptide (Conference USA)
Three things:
19. Campbell University's Gaylord the Camel (Atlantic Sun)
Dude, seriously? GAYLORD the CAMEL?!
(I'd make more jokes, but it looks like Gaylord is sportin' The Glow fromThe Last Dragon, so I don't want it to fuck me up. Or spit on me.)
18. University of Nebraska's Lil' Red (Big 12)
I envision Lil' Red as Big Boy's jealous, bitter younger brother, who tried to open his own chain of restaurants but failed, and is now reduced to shooting Slim Jims and children's coloring menus out of a t-shirt cannon to fans during Nebraska games.
17. Southern Illinois University-Carbondale's Saluki (Missouri Valley)
I never thought there would be an uglier dog mascot than the bulldog, but Southern Illinois had to prove me wrong by adopting the saluki as theirs. These guys look like they were the result of several generations of inbreeding. They also look like they're going to eat your fucking face.
16. University of Florida's Albert E. Gator (Southeastern)
Albert E. Gator looks like the Danny Glover of mascots: he's, quite frankly, getting too old for this shit. The gator has about eight teeth, beady old man eyes, and is wearing the same huge, frumpy sweater I gave to my grandpa three Christmasses ago. Saddest. Gator. Ever.
15. Syracuse's Otto the Orange (Big East)
ORANGE you glad I didn't...ah, fuck it. This mascot is really retarded. They should have a banana and a strawberry as co-mascots and call themselves "The Smoothies." At least they'd never have to worry about getting scurvy.
14. Vanderbilt's Commodore (Southeastern)
The really freaky mascots are the ones that are (sort of) supposed to be people, and the Commodore is no exception. His head is suffering from an unfortunate case of gigantism, and he's all tranny'd out with a feather, eyeliner, and satin stripes. He manges to look creepy and FABulous at the same time.
13. George Mason's Gunston (Colonial Athletic Association)
I like how the school didn't even bother to identify what their mascot is--they just named it Gunston and called it a day. It looks like Oscar the Grouch's friendly gay cousin. I bet their Sunday night dinners together are awkward:
Oscar: "Would you pass the garbage, Gunston?"
Gunston: "Puhleeese. I won't touch that stuff. I just got a manicure. Do you have any Perrier?"
Oscar: (under his breath) "...you're such a fag..."
Gunston: "Excuse me Mr. Trash Man? Oh no you di-n't!"
12. Saint Louis University's Billiken (Atlantic 10)
According to Wikipedia, a billiken is:
Thus, Saint Louis University took it upon themselves to pick a mascot that is based on some hippy art teacher's acid trip. It looks like Bat Boy.
11. Ohio State's Brutus Buckeye (Big 10)
My hatred of Ohio State (or, as I like to call them, Southern Michigan University) notwithstanding, Brutus Buckeye looks like a turd nugget that has a chunk of corn embedded in it. He should be called a Butteye.
10. Western Kentucky University's Big Red (Sun Belt)
For those of you who wondered what the Kool-Aid Man would look like if he decided to go sugar-free and subsequently lost forty pounds:
OH YEAH!
9. Providence College's Friar (Big East)
If the friar is supposed to be a religious, pious figure, then why does he look like he's going to rape you? (The password is Fidelio, by the way.)
8. Wichita State University's WuShock (Missouri Valley)
It looks like an organic tampon, with "WUSHOCK!" being the exclamation you hear when someone shoves that thing up their hoonaner.
7. Purdue's Purdue Pete (pictured)/Boilermaker Special (Big 10)
I don't know what a Boilermaker is, but Purdue Pete sure looks special, all right. In fact, you know who he reminds me of?
I didn't know Eric Stoltz moonlights as Purdue's mascot!
6. George Washington University's Colonial (Atlantic 10)
For some reason, the Colonial reminds me of the Norseman, McKinley High's mascot in Freaks and Geeks. Both are unintentionally terrifying, with their gigantic heads and soulless eyes. While the Colonial isn't sporting a spine-tingling grin, somehow his look of placid indifference is even scarier.
5. Wake Forest's Demon Deacon (ACC)
The Demon Deacon will haunt my dreams, and here's why:
vs.
He looks like a cartoon version of the creepy old guy in Poltergeist II, who, if any of you saw that movie when you were about six years old, was pretty much the Bogeyman. If the Deacon came running out onto the court screaming "You can't keep her! I AM NOT DEAD!", I would seriously lose my shit and crumble into the fetal position.
4. Xavier Univerity's Blue Blob (Atlantic 10)
The Blue Blob looks like what an alcoholic single dad would craft for his son for a Halloween or school pageant costume. "Look son, it's the Cookie Monster!" No, it's not. It's the personification of a failed father.
3. Harvard's John Harvard (Ivy League)
I didn't know that Harvard founder John Harvard was a retarded burn victim. He looks like the Phantom of the Opera (sans mask, but with a pilgrim hat). I bet he lives in Harvard's basement, sobbing and sadly whisper-singing to himself, "Masquarade...see the faces on parade..."
2. University of Tulsa's Captain Cane (Conference USA)
What the hell is this supposed to be?! A bee hive? A tornado? An adobe? A sixth grader's pottery class project? I just. Don't. Get. It.
1. Stanford's Cardinal (Pac-10)
Ah, the Stanford tree...I don't even know where to begin. When I set out to make this list, I wasn't sure who would grace the coveted 2-25 spots, but I knew right away who would land at #1. This abomination looks like what a class of kindergartners would create as a Christmas decoration for their classroom, with their parents patronizingly oohing and ahhing with faux-impressed approval.
Being a classy institution, Stanford likes to add a little formality to whatever they touch, so, naturally, this tree is outfitted in a bowtie and top hat. The big red lips and googly eyes add a vaguely racist (if that's even possible with an evergreen) touch.
Congratulations to you, Stanford, for spawning the most heinous, ugliest, random, and downright retarded mascot in the NCAA.
Honorable Mentions:
We had to award three honorable mention awards to the following mascots:
Dartmouth's Keggy the Keg
Not making the cut because he's the "unofficial" mascot, Keggy the Keg is both awesome and awful: awesome because, well, he's a keg, and awful because how lazy was the student body to come up with a drum of beer as their mascot?
Pepperdine's Wave Men
The Wave Men were both unofficial and short-lived, as indicated by thisgem of an article I came across. I'll share the best part:
You just can't make that up. That is comic gold.
University of California-Santa Cruz's Banana Slug
Disqualified for being a D-III school, we nonetheless felt compelled to include UC-SC's mascot because, come on, wouldn't you?
25. Georgia Tech's Buzz the Yellow Jacket (ACC)
Apparently the bright minds over at Georgia Tech couldn't think of a better mascot than a yellow jacket. Sure, yellow jackets are annoying when they ruin a perfectly good picnic, and they are capable of killing (but only those with wimpy allergies), but I still can't help but laugh when I see this creature with albino eyes and scrawny legs.
24. University of Wisconsin-Green Bay's Phlash the Phoenix (Horizon League)
A phoenix seems like it would be a pretty sweet mascot, right? They're colorful, look bad-ass, and can spontaneously combust, only to rise from a dusty pile of their own freakin' ashes and be reborn. That's pretty awesome!
Based on the above criteria, I didn't think I'd ever in my life see a pathetic-looking phoenix...that is, until I laid eyes on UW-GB's mascot, "Phlash":
This thing looks like it's risen one too many times, but the creature's curse is that it can't be put out of its misery. It's gaunt, its eyes are sunken, it looks phlemy (Phlash the Phlemy Phoenix?), and it appears to have sprouted random feathers from its chin. Plus, aren't phoenixes supposed to be fiery in color? Last time I checked, green wasn't an inferno-y hue.
23. University of Miami's Sebastian the Ibis (ACC)
A plethora of aquatic mascots to choose from, and the University of Miami chooses an ibis. As if that's not bad enough, the school doesn't even know what an ibis freakin' looks like.
This is an ibis:
This, on the other hand, is Sebastian the "Ibis":
Dude, that's a duck...with what appear to be either eyelashes or Eugene Levy eyebrows. It's wearing a sailor hat and giant cartoon shoes, for crying out loud. You just can't make a duck look bad-ass. Need proof?
Howard the Duck. I rest my case.
Speaking of eyelashes...
22. Florida A&M's Rattlesnake (Mid-Eastern Athletic)
I don't really have any issues with the mascot being a rattlesnake (although doesn't the fact that the costume has legs sort of negate the whole point of having a snake as a mascot?), but why God why did they give it a ponytail and eyelashes? To creepy it up? Well, mission accomplished.
21. Rice University's Sammy the Owl (Conference USA)
And now, a little Drivl Math for you:
It looks like the end product of a Predator infecting a bum and somehow spawning a filthy, outraged, Predatowl.
20. Tulane University's Riptide (Conference USA)
Three things:
- He's choking that dog.
- He's dropping a huge gonad while choking that dog.
- The look on his face indicates he is taking great pleasure from choking that dog.
19. Campbell University's Gaylord the Camel (Atlantic Sun)
Dude, seriously? GAYLORD the CAMEL?!
(I'd make more jokes, but it looks like Gaylord is sportin' The Glow fromThe Last Dragon, so I don't want it to fuck me up. Or spit on me.)
18. University of Nebraska's Lil' Red (Big 12)
I envision Lil' Red as Big Boy's jealous, bitter younger brother, who tried to open his own chain of restaurants but failed, and is now reduced to shooting Slim Jims and children's coloring menus out of a t-shirt cannon to fans during Nebraska games.
17. Southern Illinois University-Carbondale's Saluki (Missouri Valley)
I never thought there would be an uglier dog mascot than the bulldog, but Southern Illinois had to prove me wrong by adopting the saluki as theirs. These guys look like they were the result of several generations of inbreeding. They also look like they're going to eat your fucking face.
16. University of Florida's Albert E. Gator (Southeastern)
Albert E. Gator looks like the Danny Glover of mascots: he's, quite frankly, getting too old for this shit. The gator has about eight teeth, beady old man eyes, and is wearing the same huge, frumpy sweater I gave to my grandpa three Christmasses ago. Saddest. Gator. Ever.
15. Syracuse's Otto the Orange (Big East)
ORANGE you glad I didn't...ah, fuck it. This mascot is really retarded. They should have a banana and a strawberry as co-mascots and call themselves "The Smoothies." At least they'd never have to worry about getting scurvy.
14. Vanderbilt's Commodore (Southeastern)
The really freaky mascots are the ones that are (sort of) supposed to be people, and the Commodore is no exception. His head is suffering from an unfortunate case of gigantism, and he's all tranny'd out with a feather, eyeliner, and satin stripes. He manges to look creepy and FABulous at the same time.
13. George Mason's Gunston (Colonial Athletic Association)
I like how the school didn't even bother to identify what their mascot is--they just named it Gunston and called it a day. It looks like Oscar the Grouch's friendly gay cousin. I bet their Sunday night dinners together are awkward:
Oscar: "Would you pass the garbage, Gunston?"
Gunston: "Puhleeese. I won't touch that stuff. I just got a manicure. Do you have any Perrier?"
Oscar: (under his breath) "...you're such a fag..."
Gunston: "Excuse me Mr. Trash Man? Oh no you di-n't!"
12. Saint Louis University's Billiken (Atlantic 10)
According to Wikipedia, a billiken is:
a charm doll created by an American art teacher and illustrator, Ms. Florence Pretz of Kansas City, Missouri, who is said to have seen the mysterious figure in a dream. In 1908 she patented the Billiken, who was elf-like with pointed ears, a mischievous smile, and a tuft a hair on his pointed head.
Thus, Saint Louis University took it upon themselves to pick a mascot that is based on some hippy art teacher's acid trip. It looks like Bat Boy.
11. Ohio State's Brutus Buckeye (Big 10)
My hatred of Ohio State (or, as I like to call them, Southern Michigan University) notwithstanding, Brutus Buckeye looks like a turd nugget that has a chunk of corn embedded in it. He should be called a Butteye.
10. Western Kentucky University's Big Red (Sun Belt)
For those of you who wondered what the Kool-Aid Man would look like if he decided to go sugar-free and subsequently lost forty pounds:
OH YEAH!
9. Providence College's Friar (Big East)
If the friar is supposed to be a religious, pious figure, then why does he look like he's going to rape you? (The password is Fidelio, by the way.)
8. Wichita State University's WuShock (Missouri Valley)
It looks like an organic tampon, with "WUSHOCK!" being the exclamation you hear when someone shoves that thing up their hoonaner.
7. Purdue's Purdue Pete (pictured)/Boilermaker Special (Big 10)
I don't know what a Boilermaker is, but Purdue Pete sure looks special, all right. In fact, you know who he reminds me of?
I didn't know Eric Stoltz moonlights as Purdue's mascot!
6. George Washington University's Colonial (Atlantic 10)
For some reason, the Colonial reminds me of the Norseman, McKinley High's mascot in Freaks and Geeks. Both are unintentionally terrifying, with their gigantic heads and soulless eyes. While the Colonial isn't sporting a spine-tingling grin, somehow his look of placid indifference is even scarier.
5. Wake Forest's Demon Deacon (ACC)
The Demon Deacon will haunt my dreams, and here's why:
vs.
He looks like a cartoon version of the creepy old guy in Poltergeist II, who, if any of you saw that movie when you were about six years old, was pretty much the Bogeyman. If the Deacon came running out onto the court screaming "You can't keep her! I AM NOT DEAD!", I would seriously lose my shit and crumble into the fetal position.
4. Xavier Univerity's Blue Blob (Atlantic 10)
The Blue Blob looks like what an alcoholic single dad would craft for his son for a Halloween or school pageant costume. "Look son, it's the Cookie Monster!" No, it's not. It's the personification of a failed father.
3. Harvard's John Harvard (Ivy League)
I didn't know that Harvard founder John Harvard was a retarded burn victim. He looks like the Phantom of the Opera (sans mask, but with a pilgrim hat). I bet he lives in Harvard's basement, sobbing and sadly whisper-singing to himself, "Masquarade...see the faces on parade..."
2. University of Tulsa's Captain Cane (Conference USA)
What the hell is this supposed to be?! A bee hive? A tornado? An adobe? A sixth grader's pottery class project? I just. Don't. Get. It.
1. Stanford's Cardinal (Pac-10)
Ah, the Stanford tree...I don't even know where to begin. When I set out to make this list, I wasn't sure who would grace the coveted 2-25 spots, but I knew right away who would land at #1. This abomination looks like what a class of kindergartners would create as a Christmas decoration for their classroom, with their parents patronizingly oohing and ahhing with faux-impressed approval.
Being a classy institution, Stanford likes to add a little formality to whatever they touch, so, naturally, this tree is outfitted in a bowtie and top hat. The big red lips and googly eyes add a vaguely racist (if that's even possible with an evergreen) touch.
Congratulations to you, Stanford, for spawning the most heinous, ugliest, random, and downright retarded mascot in the NCAA.
Honorable Mentions:
We had to award three honorable mention awards to the following mascots:
Dartmouth's Keggy the Keg
Not making the cut because he's the "unofficial" mascot, Keggy the Keg is both awesome and awful: awesome because, well, he's a keg, and awful because how lazy was the student body to come up with a drum of beer as their mascot?
Pepperdine's Wave Men
The Wave Men were both unofficial and short-lived, as indicated by thisgem of an article I came across. I'll share the best part:
In the unveiling of the Wave Men, a video presentation of the assassination of the old mascot, King Neptune, was shown.
Then, from the ashes, emerged the team of five, the Wave men.
"The majority of the audience just appeared confused," said senior Kristine Sward, who was at the event.
The idea of having a five-in-one mascot consisting of blue and orange super clowns may have looked good on paper, but the unveiling in front of the Smothers was not well received by students.
"I don't know how I felt about them, I guess if I saw them at a game I might give them a better chance, but Smothers was just an odd place to unveil them," senior Diana Hernandez said.
You just can't make that up. That is comic gold.
University of California-Santa Cruz's Banana Slug
Disqualified for being a D-III school, we nonetheless felt compelled to include UC-SC's mascot because, come on, wouldn't you?
Plagio
22. Cockburn, Western Australia
Although this name is often pronounced "Coburn" by those who stand to lose from its awfulness, who actually reads that when they see this word? Oh, how it burns.
21. Twatt, Orkney, Shetland Islands, Scotland
The Shetland Islands, pronounced "Shitland Islands" if you have an accent like mine, make up a happy little area north of Scotland where it's too cold for trees to grow. I am related to approximately half the population of the Shetland Islands, share a last name with a quarter of them, and can probably trace my ancestry back to Twatt if I try hard enough. The pride!
20.Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu, New Zealand
Locals call this hill in Hawke's Bay "Taumata" because... Well. Just because.
19. Muff, Ireland
We here at Drivl love puerile humour. They have a town called Muff. Har har har.
18. Looneyville, Texas, United States
Little Looneyville was named for storekeeper John Looney in the early 1870s. But who gives a shit. This is a hilarious name for a town in the state that brought us Dallas, the Bush Twins and Waco. How awkward must that be when you go to college? "Hey guys, my name's Sue and I'm from Looneyville!"
17. Titty Hill, Sussex, England
Falling squarely into the extensive Stupid Place Names From England category, Titty Hill is probably located just north of...
16. Thong, Kent, England
Which actually is south-east of...
15. Gravesend, Kent, England
Oh, come on, England. Graves End? What a nasty, depressing little name. You could have at least gone all the way with this one and called it Corpse Feet.
14. Wetwang, Yorkshire... yep! England again!
Okay, so I'll cut England some slack. It's an old country. You know, if the United States is Google, then England is IBM. Their country is older than fucking dirt. They can't be blamed for having names that sound funny in 2007. But this is kind of ridiculous. Wetwang? I'm surprised they don't have towns called Squishy Vagina or Infected Scrotum.
13. Spread Eagle, Wisconsin
If I were mayor of Spread Eagle, I'd be making diplomatic advances towards the city leaders over in Wetwang to form a Sister-City relationship. Or maybe more of a Platonic-Friends-City relationship. After that, we'd just take thing slow and see what happened.
12. Bald Knob, Arkansas, United States
Well, I guess it's better than Hairy Knob. I assume England already has that one covered.
11. Cockup, Cumbria, England
Cumbria is a county in the very north-west of England. What the backwoods of Alabama are to America is what Cumbria is to Britain. They talk funny up there. Thus, it isn't thoroughly surprising that they have a town called Cockup. What do you call someone from this place? A Cockupper? Cockupeleite? Cockuppian? Cockupican? I suppose it's mildly better than Wetwangger.
10. Whiskey Dick Mountain, Washington State, United States
As hard as America tries, it can't compete with Britain's high standards. This was a good effort, though. Well done, Washington.
9. Hookersville, West Virginia
Undoubtedly named before "hooker" meant "prostitute who picks men up on street corners," Hookersville combines two crimes of place-naming. One, a dirty sounding adjective (they couldn't have chosen "Pleasant"? "Sunny"? "Happy"?) And two, they added "ville" to the end of the town's name. Affixing "ville" to the end of a town's name is like dressing your silly little dog in a cardigan and letting him carry his leash around in his mouth. It just makes the poor animal look fucking stupid.
8. Hell, Michigan, United States
The people in this town at least seem to have a good sense of humour about their home's unfortunate name. Although, I'm sure there's some midwestern idiots in Hell who get all offended and defensive when the town shows up on lists like this. I'm looking forward to reading their insightful emails and comments.
7. Toad Suck, Arkansas, United States
So that's what they do down in the big AR.
6. Middelfart, Denmark
I guess it's not so funny to them, but how do we know that "Seattle" doesn't mean "Big Fat Stinking Turd" in Danish? That's right, we don't. And it probably does.
5. Horneytown, North Carolina, United States
Its proximity to Hookersville, West Virginia is no coincidence. I also assume that, like Hookersville, the naming of Horneytown took place before "horney" meant "aching for a hot piece of ass" with an extra "e". But I'm starting to wonder why, pride and tradition aside, the townspeople in these little places never saw it fit to change their homes' names? Do they enjoy being ridiculed by the entire English-speaking world?
4. Shitterton, Dorset, England
I wonder if they bleep out the first part of Shitterton's name if it's mentioned on TV in America?
3. Disappointment, Kentucky, United States
Le sigh. Never mind. You live in a small town in Kentucky. At least it was appropriately named.
2. Fucking, Austria
The idiots who live in Fucking, Austria had a vote in 2004 to determine whether or not they should change the town's name, and you know what they did? They voted against it, preferring instead to put up with international ridicule, numerous stolen road-signs and horrific Google results.
But the hands-down winner, again from New Zealand is:
1. Whakapapa
Why is this the worst place name in the world? In Maori, the native language of New Zealand, the "wh" sound is pronounced "f". Say it aloud in your office and see what happens.
Although this name is often pronounced "Coburn" by those who stand to lose from its awfulness, who actually reads that when they see this word? Oh, how it burns.
21. Twatt, Orkney, Shetland Islands, Scotland
The Shetland Islands, pronounced "Shitland Islands" if you have an accent like mine, make up a happy little area north of Scotland where it's too cold for trees to grow. I am related to approximately half the population of the Shetland Islands, share a last name with a quarter of them, and can probably trace my ancestry back to Twatt if I try hard enough. The pride!
20.Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu, New Zealand
Locals call this hill in Hawke's Bay "Taumata" because... Well. Just because.
19. Muff, Ireland
We here at Drivl love puerile humour. They have a town called Muff. Har har har.
18. Looneyville, Texas, United States
Little Looneyville was named for storekeeper John Looney in the early 1870s. But who gives a shit. This is a hilarious name for a town in the state that brought us Dallas, the Bush Twins and Waco. How awkward must that be when you go to college? "Hey guys, my name's Sue and I'm from Looneyville!"
17. Titty Hill, Sussex, England
Falling squarely into the extensive Stupid Place Names From England category, Titty Hill is probably located just north of...
16. Thong, Kent, England
Which actually is south-east of...
15. Gravesend, Kent, England
Oh, come on, England. Graves End? What a nasty, depressing little name. You could have at least gone all the way with this one and called it Corpse Feet.
14. Wetwang, Yorkshire... yep! England again!
Okay, so I'll cut England some slack. It's an old country. You know, if the United States is Google, then England is IBM. Their country is older than fucking dirt. They can't be blamed for having names that sound funny in 2007. But this is kind of ridiculous. Wetwang? I'm surprised they don't have towns called Squishy Vagina or Infected Scrotum.
13. Spread Eagle, Wisconsin
If I were mayor of Spread Eagle, I'd be making diplomatic advances towards the city leaders over in Wetwang to form a Sister-City relationship. Or maybe more of a Platonic-Friends-City relationship. After that, we'd just take thing slow and see what happened.
12. Bald Knob, Arkansas, United States
Well, I guess it's better than Hairy Knob. I assume England already has that one covered.
11. Cockup, Cumbria, England
Cumbria is a county in the very north-west of England. What the backwoods of Alabama are to America is what Cumbria is to Britain. They talk funny up there. Thus, it isn't thoroughly surprising that they have a town called Cockup. What do you call someone from this place? A Cockupper? Cockupeleite? Cockuppian? Cockupican? I suppose it's mildly better than Wetwangger.
10. Whiskey Dick Mountain, Washington State, United States
As hard as America tries, it can't compete with Britain's high standards. This was a good effort, though. Well done, Washington.
9. Hookersville, West Virginia
Undoubtedly named before "hooker" meant "prostitute who picks men up on street corners," Hookersville combines two crimes of place-naming. One, a dirty sounding adjective (they couldn't have chosen "Pleasant"? "Sunny"? "Happy"?) And two, they added "ville" to the end of the town's name. Affixing "ville" to the end of a town's name is like dressing your silly little dog in a cardigan and letting him carry his leash around in his mouth. It just makes the poor animal look fucking stupid.
8. Hell, Michigan, United States
The people in this town at least seem to have a good sense of humour about their home's unfortunate name. Although, I'm sure there's some midwestern idiots in Hell who get all offended and defensive when the town shows up on lists like this. I'm looking forward to reading their insightful emails and comments.
7. Toad Suck, Arkansas, United States
So that's what they do down in the big AR.
6. Middelfart, Denmark
I guess it's not so funny to them, but how do we know that "Seattle" doesn't mean "Big Fat Stinking Turd" in Danish? That's right, we don't. And it probably does.
5. Horneytown, North Carolina, United States
Its proximity to Hookersville, West Virginia is no coincidence. I also assume that, like Hookersville, the naming of Horneytown took place before "horney" meant "aching for a hot piece of ass" with an extra "e". But I'm starting to wonder why, pride and tradition aside, the townspeople in these little places never saw it fit to change their homes' names? Do they enjoy being ridiculed by the entire English-speaking world?
4. Shitterton, Dorset, England
I wonder if they bleep out the first part of Shitterton's name if it's mentioned on TV in America?
3. Disappointment, Kentucky, United States
Le sigh. Never mind. You live in a small town in Kentucky. At least it was appropriately named.
2. Fucking, Austria
The idiots who live in Fucking, Austria had a vote in 2004 to determine whether or not they should change the town's name, and you know what they did? They voted against it, preferring instead to put up with international ridicule, numerous stolen road-signs and horrific Google results.
But the hands-down winner, again from New Zealand is:
1. Whakapapa
Why is this the worst place name in the world? In Maori, the native language of New Zealand, the "wh" sound is pronounced "f". Say it aloud in your office and see what happens.
27.4.09
To laugh. or not to laugh???
En los ultimos couple of days, me he topado con ciertas cosas q me dejan dudando si reirme o no... depende del humor del momento, si me parece la cosa mas chistosa del mundo, o simplemente una GRAN perdida de tiempo...
Enjoy:
1)
Si vas a copiar algo... MINIMO q sea algo q valga la pena, no una cholerada:
2)
Un grito como marica siempre es agradable oir...
3)
Todo lo q tenga unicornios, es genial... especialmente si se llaman Charlie
21.3.09
Nufurufusufu
Oh my God, how things have changed...This girls must be blind or completely (no c como c escribe)
23.2.09
Bowsers' kingdom
Hola, soy sapo, el nuevo autor del blog, (hoola Saaapo >in AA meeting style) muchas personas preguntan, y xq tienen un sofa al principio del blog? Pués xq los sofas hacen sentir a la gente comoda, adaptada, como sofa.
Entonces si usted se siente como un sofá, sabemos como se siente.
Para los que aún se recuerdan de los saltos que les daban a las tortugas y a los goombas para salvar a la princesa peach(toadstool) jugando con luigi y super mario, pues ahora viene bowsers' kingdom, una serie de flash dividida en diez educativos episodios sobre el punto de vista de un Koopa y un Goomba, Al y Jeff. Clickeén en los links para ver los episodios.
Episodio 1
Episodio 2
Episodio 3
Episodio 4
Episodio 5
Episodio 6
Episodio 7
Episodio 8
Episodio 9
Episodio 10
Quién dice que estos no fueron buenos tiempos, son seres insignificantes que no crecieron venciendo a Bowser (Koopa) una y otra vez.
Para los que aún se recuerdan de los saltos que les daban a las tortugas y a los goombas para salvar a la princesa peach(toadstool) jugando con luigi y super mario, pues ahora viene bowsers' kingdom, una serie de flash dividida en diez educativos episodios sobre el punto de vista de un Koopa y un Goomba, Al y Jeff. Clickeén en los links para ver los episodios.
Episodio 1
Episodio 2Episodio 3
Episodio 4
Episodio 5
Episodio 6
Episodio 7
Episodio 8
Episodio 9
Episodio 10
Quién dice que estos no fueron buenos tiempos, son seres insignificantes que no crecieron venciendo a Bowser (Koopa) una y otra vez.
Cómo bailar como Muppet (y no morir en el intento)
Paso # 1
Advertencia: Esta actividad es altamente riesgosa y no debe ser intentada sin un adulto responsable cerca. Mantenga un extinguidor a la mano, no corra con tijeras. Y si va a conducir, no olvide el auto!
Tirar la cabeza hacia atras, abrir la boca y extender los brazos hacia enfrente.
Paso # 2 :
Tirar los brazos violentamente hacia la izquierda, mientras la cabeza gira violentamente hacia la derecha.
Paso#3:
Tirar los brazos hacia el lado derecho, mientras se tira la cabeza hacia el lado izquierda. Todo debe ser con movimientos violentos y rítmicos.
Paso#4:
Repita el paso 2 y 3, cuantas veces quiera (o asta que se disloque el cuello). Recuerde mantener la boca abierta, los puños cerrados y la cabeza inclinada hacia atras.
NO SOY UN CACTUS!!!!
Paso#5:
Cuando finalice de hacer el baile, prepárese para salir corriendo hacia la próxima escena, endónde todos sus copañeros felpudos saldran corriendo con usted.
Advertencia: Esta actividad es altamente riesgosa y no debe ser intentada sin un adulto responsable cerca. Mantenga un extinguidor a la mano, no corra con tijeras. Y si va a conducir, no olvide el auto!
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